Women are not a monolith. None of my criticism of our culture of sexual violence is contradicted by my other views or behavior. I don't like Anne Rice and wouldn't touch 50 Shades with a barge pole. I don't shame men for being too "soft." There's no contradiction here for me at all.
I can't speak to the issue of abuse because I haven't been abused, but it's been proven statistically over and over that women in abusive relationships are at greatest risk of being murdered by their partners when either of two things happen: 1. she decides to leave him 2. she tells him she's pregnant.